On Happy Holidays

I trust you all are well fed and feeling warm fuzzies after the holidays. If not (and I know there are plenty that are not) I truly am sorry and my prayers are with you. I myself have had no real reason to be exceptionally happy this season, my husband is still out of work and my family is living with my parents for the 4th year in a row, which is cause to much heartache and trial. However this year I reached down, I mean way down into my prideful self and did something I don’t usually do. I let it be known that we needed help. I shared with our new church family on only our second visit how bad things have gotten and how despair has been creeping into my heart and pushing the Lord out. My pastor’s instant action was prayer, which had I not been with my children would have brought me to my knees, and an offer of gifts. I was floored!

The following week I had friends and family provide even more. I was astonished! As the weeks turned to days before Christmas I was beginning to worry about not having enough money to pay for our storage unit (which has nearly everything we own in it) and losing our things to auction. My amazing friends you have bought soap from me in that time of worry and given me enough that the weight is lifted. I am so grateful and filled with joy!

Needless to say the night before Christmas I was the one who could not sleep I was in awe and wonder of the goodness of my Lord and Savior. He worked it out for His glory. This Christmas was the best one ever and my children were so thrilled over all of their gifts, each one chosen with love, kindness, and care. Thank you dear angels, my cup runneth over.

 

Mandy

So many thoughts

running through my brain. I am having some trouble focusing on any one thing. It’s like the craziness of the holidays has engulfed me. I have schoolwork to correct, a house to put to order, a tugging pain in my heart for a unknown child in the Father’s arms, a rebellious son wreaking havoc, thoughts of inadequacy, and physical ailments to top it all off. In short I am exhausted, cranky, frustrated, angry, sad and my back is killing me (ice is my friend right now). I hopefully will be able to form a coherent thought in the next few days. Right now I just want to point out I have some reviews coming up, we had a lovely Christmas that turned into something  atrocious, and we were all sick with head colds. Happy New Year everybody! May this year be the last year I give Santa credit when it is God who is Glorified.  We are so very blessed by the Almighty even in (especially) our times of suffering.

Mandy

Being Made New

I recently was introduced to NewCreations a wonderful website that sells modest women’s clothing. I have in the past tried to wear skirts but never could find any I enjoyed wearing. I just never felt comfortable in them. Part of the reason being that I am plus sized and most companies are not really creating modest, fashionable clothing for plus sized ladies. Lately God has put it on my heart to be more of a modest lady and watch what I wear so as not to cause others to stumble. I never thought I would ever have that problem, thinking instead that I am not desirable. God has been working in that area of my heart too! It seems as though the two came crashing together in my life,

Lead Me

I am so overwhelmed, we finally have a reliable Christian radio station in my area now! Praise God. This is a FM station that I was able to get but only in certain areas and while it was such a blessing to me it can now be an even greater blessing to others as well. 
One of my favorite bands they play is Sanctus Real. I have never heard their song “Lead Me” yet it has touched me in such a profound way. I have had such a difficult time with Biblical Submission. I desperately want to have my husband as the leader of our home but I have spent so long being In Control.
This song is so much to me. It is for me and for my husband and for our children. I wish so for the peace and strength that comes from the Lord. Some days I just want to fall to my knees and pray but I can’t bring myself before Him that way. I pray yes but I feel weird going on my knees even though I know that is what I must do.

Put My Faith In him

I have been thinking about how easy it is to forget all the things God does for me. How those big things I always remember but it’s the little ones that really count and sadly those are the ones I let slip away. I know I maybe crazy but I don’t sweat the big stuff like maybe losing a house or job, I know my God is bigger than that. Yet… why is it I worry about my sleeping children not waking up, or the prowler in the dark that may have the worst in mind. I can quite convince myself that there is something “out there” and work myself up to such a state that there will be no sleep for me that night!

I am torn

My oldest is 13 and I found out from his father (whom he spends every other weekend with) that over Christmas break he accessed inappriate websites on their computer. I am devestated. I diligently watch and protect my children from these things but I have no control of his fathers lack of supervision. I suggested he password the computer in the future and I got a grown man whining about how other people use it. I couldn't believe it. He seemed more upset about the charges to his credit card and other inconviences than the damage our son has recieved to his innocence. I keep imagining what he saw and it makes me sick. My son and I have not been able to talk about this since I was only told about it Friday and he is still at his father's until Monday night. I am at such a loss as to what I should do. I am angry that it even took 2 months to be told about this. I prayed about it and since I am working on "Biblical Submission" took this to my husband who suggest we speak to our lawyer about ds's father's negligence. I feel like I am so lost at sea on this.

My ds is such a sweet caring child, innocent and comfortable in speaking to both myself and my husband (he has been in ds's life since he was 3) about puberty and sexual topics. So much so that other family found it awkward for our family to be so open. I never thought he would be a child to seek out this, I have a difficult time even believing it. I did ask him before he left about it and let him know how dissapointed we (daddy & me, meaning my hubby) were and he would not meet my eyes. My heart is breaking for this and him because I know how confused he is. At the same time I also know he knows right from wrong, and good from bad. Am I wrong for wanting to protect my child from the degradation his father apparently thinks is OK?