Birth Control is Evil

I used to work in a pharmacy and know what birth control does. I don't mean just the pill, I mean all birth control. I know the details of every single method. I have somehow managed to justify using it anyway ( mainly my prescription medications would cause major birth defects). Now I always was able to push the abortifacient properties into the nether regions of my mind. After all if there was no proof and I didn't feel it then it must not be doing that. Wrong! Plain and simple, I was Wrong!

I have been getting closer to God and began feeling more and more ill at ease with my chosen method (IUD-Mirena). Well I must tell you that there is a bit of back story here. I gave birth to my oldest at 18, being unwed and in college that just couldn't happen again so I went with Depo. Gradually I became more and more depressed. I gained weight and went from the Depo to combo pills. Those caused a drop in my libido and did further mental damage. My ob/gyn told me it was just in my head. Now about this time I began having abnormal paps and thus began a long battle with pre cancerous growth on my cervix that I vigilently watch to this day (never has developed into cancer so far). I went to my regular daoctor and he told me to find a new ob/gyn and that the pills were my problem most likely. I was a bit taken aback and found a new ob/gyn who agreed with my MD. So now here I was 5 years later and getting married. I staayed on the pills until I decided to try a diaphragm and then we wanted to have a baby. I was also diagnosed after my 2nd son's birth with Bi-Polar disorder and went back on BC to prevent those unwanted birth defects I mentioned, however my paps have been normal since. I felt convicted to drop the meds and use natural family planning and it worked well for a while. However, I had another BP episode and went back on the meds.

At this time (last March) I was not praying or really attending church but after awhile I realized the I kept missing pills and got afraid I might get pg so I had an IUD inserted. About 6 months ago I again stopped my meds and began to ask for God to heal my BP disorder. I feel he is working on that. My husband and I have a better relationship, we have bought a home (our first), and I thank God and praise Him for all these things. Yet I know I have something missing and that is letting him plan our family. I began to pray on this also and that's when it happened. I had proof of my IUD's abortifacient power. I have never been so ashamed in my life. I know I need to get this removed but here is where it is getting hard. God is trying to teach me something and I am listening. I must wait, I called a month ago to get the IUD removed. I was thinking it would only be a few days before I could be seen but nope, not until May 7. I during this interim have had the strongest longings for another child that I have ever had. All in His perfect timing. Please pray for me and ask God to give me strength and faith.

I do apologize if this post is a bit scattered but I am sleepy. I just really wanted to post this in case someone else was going through something similar.